Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Hi Everybody, I'm Not Dead...

  I know I haven't posted in a long long time!

It's been a hard summer.... 
I mean nothing overtly horrible or bad happened...

It's just i've had alot going on, and alot of people around, ALL THE TIME, and i can't really talk about it all, because i would get in big trouble!.... except that...

HOLY  F!#$!, 
i need my space and my routine, and quiet time, or basically i get  anxious, and depressed and crazy as a loon...

So, i just couldn't bring myself to do blog posts...

I mean, i'm curious, How many of you get energy from alone time, versus energy from being around people.

Mr. Fractured is low maintenance, he doesn't pull at my energy force... he's quiet, he's routine, he does his chores... We have a rhythm, and it works.  Geeeesh, he can fall asleep in a chair in 32 seconds... it's insane
  He dosen't care if we're boring and neither do i.
  Relationships are interesting.  After living this long, i've decided, i have no idea what the hell to think of it all, except some people suck the life force out of you... 
STAY AWAY from them if you can, 
and some don't.  
It's ok to play with them

People always tell me how social i am, and how happy i always seem, and how they think i would be so fun to hang out with.
Every time someone wants to have "FUN" i want to shoot myself in the face!  
Planning to do something "FUN" means you have to drive or fly somewhere where there are usually alot of people you don't know, and do things you're not used to doing, without your stuff that makes you feel safe and comfortable.

If i think of flying somewhere, i immediately visualize being trapped in a guided missile, made of thin metal, packed with highly flammable jet fuel, and being launched 25, 000 feet in the air through cumulus clouds and lightening strikes, where you could potentially plummet to the ground, 
(which, lets' face it, ... would take a really long time at 25,000 feet)
where you would then explode into flames

and if you survive and make it,  to wherever you are going
you have to do it again and fly back!
uhhhh...i don't think so

i can watch the discovery channel 

hang gliding

not a chance

it's freakin cold, what the heck!?
and you will break your leg and have to be airlifted outta there
and dangling up high in those ski lifts
nuh uh

riding a subway to a 6 story mall packed thousands of people
subway - terrorists
what if i have to go to the bathroom!?
trapped in the elevator
total sensory overload 
panic attack

just wrong in so many ways

i can do that with just about any suggesetion of "fun"
you should try me out, just ask me one

 Fun to me, is hanging out with someone i am completely comfortable with, listening to my music, staying at a little beach cottage right on the beach, painting, fixing up the house, a bonfire, shopping, (not with men)... picking, that bud lite every evening... especially when it's summer and i can sit outside ...

I had a person who rented a room in my house once
(another story)
anyway, she would take naps on the sofa, help with the dishes, roast marshmallows with the kids,
just easy stuff you know...
I could come home from work and say "don't even talk to me now..., i have to go take a nap" 
and it would be just fine
i LOVED her, that's fun to me, having a friend like that
 Do i sound crazy to you?

Well, I am
The way i see it, everyone has their "crazy" when stressed

Anyway,  i have talked way too much
let's just look at some things around the house

Get some visual's going on here, i'm sure no one came here to read a book about my weirdness and opinions

 This little shelf is my solution to dealing with a massively ugly heating vent thing...

the air can pass through, and it is a little less visable...

The cute little shadow boxes with shells in them are from Kohls, i got them on clearance and I love them!

I bet Kohls might still have some...

Ok, so i thought i was so clever with this

I had these target canisters, and i decided i could just tape them off and paint chalkboard paint on them and write on them... and that would be the best idea ever!

Except then... on Pinterest i saw that you can get the cutest little chalkboard decals that are a hundred times more charming... so then i felt stupid
 whatever....  !

Here is a cool old velvet pillow I found at the thrift shop.  It is pretty raggedy, but it is the best color and so soft, and i really like it

Hmmmm, what else can we talk about... 

Ok, you know how everyone is being all Bohemian and layers tons of bracelets together... Well, the thrift shop is a great place to find old necklaces and bracelets for nothin'!  And you can just wind a bunch on your wrist for a few bucks, and mix them all up!

You see that one with the shell on it?  Those are actually napkin rings from Pottery Barn... They are on a stretch band, and they came in a box with six separate rings, and i found them at the thrift shop...

Ok, the best trick ever, i found on Pinterest... Get some eucalyptus and hang it near your bathtub on in the shower... and every time the bathroom steams up it smells wonderful like Eucalyptus!  I had some that was dried, that i bought at Whole Foods months ago, and just tucked the bunch in a little handle on my bathtub, and it really really works... plus i think it is good for you 

I love coral and shells
I found this pretty little piece of coral and just grouped it with another shell i have and put them right on my coffee table

as you can see that candle is just about spent!  it is a Henri Bendel candle, they are the best candles ever!
This one is called Lavender Leaves, and it will make your whole house smell heavenly in about 5 minutes
they're a real treat for me, because they cost about $30.00 each

Bath and Body Works used to carry them

oh yeah, do any of you use Bath and Bodyworks wallflowers?
( and, yeah i know, those plug ins aren't good for you, but i've decided to accept the risks)
because there is a new scent that is wonderful
it's called London Calling 'tea and lemon'
and it makes your room smell like fresh brewed iced tea and fresh lemons
i love it!

you wouldn't believe how dusty that plate was when i was snapping this photo... i just wiped it off with my hand... i'm not really that clean you know...
i mean, cobwebs don't freak me out... 
my mom would have a heart attack and fall over dead before she would have a cobweb in her house
in fact i'm not sure i actually even really know what a cobweb is... i don't think they are spider webs???  are they?  - i mean what are cobwebs anyway?

Here are some pretty dried hydrangeas i tucked in this silver ice bucket - 
I love it when they dry this deep blue...

more dried hydrangeas on a silver tray, with a silver bowl (all thrift shop) - and some happy little chrysanthemums that look like daisys

Here is one of my meadow paintings i gave to my sister hanging at her house...
meadow paintings are some of my favorites, i never get tired of looking at a meadow...

Ok, so have ya'll had enough of me for the day?!

geesh that was a long post
i hope you don't hate me now...

I'm gonna be so embarrassed after i push "publish"
do you ever get embarrassed after publishing a post like I do?

anyway don't forget to tell me...

do you get energy from alone time
or energy from being with people

...the end...



  1. great to hear from you! I missed following up with you and your beautiful work! I agree with alone time vs. crowded time. I think balance is best for me- a little of both works out.
    Your post was a delight! Take care!

  2. People suck energy from me and I recharge being alone. I so agree with almost everything you wrote. A vacation for me is staying home with a lot of books, my pets and NO obligations to anyone. Love your art.

  3. I can so relate to this post! I love just hanging at the house doing just what I want to do and when I want to do it. Sounds selfish but it's true and I don't mind admitting it. I don't like crowds or doing 'fun' stuff with people who I don't know. I love to browse shops alone at my own pace. I don't like 'plans'...I like just letting the day happen.

    Donna LeBlanc

    PS. I have friends and relatives who do literally suck the life out of me. Fortunately, we live far away from them so I don't have to be sucked lifeless very often. A couple of times a year is more than enough!

  4. I am like you--I get energy from being alone. I am not totally anti-people by any means but too much socializing is tiring. I love my blog friends because I can get support, well wishes, adult conversation and they stay in the computer. :) They don't mess up my house or drink my beer. I like my kids to be home though--or else I worry. My kids were teasing me because they said that I like them home but I want them to stay quietly in their rooms not messing anything up. I say what is wrong with that? I enjoyed your post as always. :)

  5. Yay! I've been wondering where you've been! Totally get my "energy" from alone time!

  6. Hi Cindy, this post brightened up my morning! I love how you camouflaged the vent and control box. I get my energy with alone time and especially thrift shopping ALONE. I use to try to include friends but they are all stuck in the "it has to be new" mind-set and they get annoyed looking at antiques and used stuff. The funny things is they also always have their jaws dropped and gasp with envy when they come over and see how gorgeous every "old" thing I buy looks in my home, lol. Then they want me to help them find something for their house, but I always tell them "you can't find it if you don't go looking for it!"

    I will try the eucalyptus in the shower. I buy it fresh cut in bunches and sit it in a large container with no water (to dry out) and it makes the whole room smell wonderful for weeks.

  7. Hi Cindy,
    I definitely get energy from alone time! I guess I'm what is known as a "homebody!" I would rather stay in my home with Mr. Sissie. I prefer wearing pj bottoms and tank tops and letting it all hang out! I like sitting in my favorite chair with my laptop and watching Mr. Sissie sleep in his ugly lazboy recliner. I love having my kitties near me and eating ice cream even though it's fattening.
    My day pretty much consists of finding stuff to redo for my booth. Visiting my booth and fluffing and taking to the other dealers. (a few that are my favorites), then head home where I feel the best.
    I no longer have room for those that suck the life out of me. I just don't go there anymore if I can avoid it. I totally get what you are saying. Just love your openness and honesty.
    So, my dear you are not alone.


  8. I love my alone time . I've been a widow for over 5 years now and I've gotten use to having the house all to myself . Not sure I could handle having a man around again , unless he looked like Tom Selic ( that's probably not spelled right ) was a terrific carpenter and wanted to do anything to help me when I wanted him to . Yeah , I'm sure that's going to happen ! Glad to see you back !

  9. Oh Cindy, I'm so glad to see you back posting! And what a delightful post it is!

    I am like you (in so many ways, are you my long lost twin?), and you sound like a true introvert. People think all introverts are shy and/or anti-social, but that's not true at all. We tend to be a bit reserved, and definitely do gain energy with our alone or quiet time, and tend to do better alone, with a special friend or two, or in small groups. Being in a loud setting with a lot of people is OK for short periods of time, but then quickly becomes tiring and draining. I've gotten to the point where I don't appreciate "fun" the way I used to, either! It's just too much work sometimes ...

    I only have one friend who is what I call a "psychic vampire" - people who drain the life right out of you like a blood sucker going for your jugular, but she lives far away from me and I rarely ever see her. The main reason I keep her around is because I do love her, and while she is an extrovert who thrives in settings that make me want to fling myself off a cliff, and she can be draining with all her drama and stupid mistakes and she never takes good advice, she has the saving grace of being a caring person who does support me and lift me up. Plus, she "gets me" and all my quirks, and doesn't try to make me feel bad for being me. I've done away with the rest of my friends who were vampires (wait, that sounds like I killed them all - I promise I didn't do that!), it got down to the point where they literally were all take and no give, so I had to "break up" with them. Permanently. Unfortunately, everyone in my family is a vampire, but the good thing is I don't see them very often.

    And I'm sorry to have to inform you, but cobwebs are indeed spider webs. Not all spiders make the beautiful webs we associate with "Halloween style" spider webs, some make rather haphazard webs. Cobwebs are abandoned spider webs, meaning no spiders are currently making their homes in them, and they get "cobby" because they collect dust and other particulate matter floating in the air. So yeah, cobwebs are dusty, dirty, abandoned spider webs! 8/

    Your shells are beautiful. Nice score on those shadow boxes! Thank you for the tip about the jewelry, your bracelets are so chic! Also the tip about the eucalyptus. I used to work in a health club, basically a gym that had a full spa/swimming area inside, and we would spray the steam room with eucalyptus oil. It did wonders for people's skin and sinuses!

    Good to see you back! Hope you post more frequently, but understand if you don't!



    P.S. One of these days I'm going to get one of your meadow paintings. A sheep painting, and a meadow painting. Soon!

  10. o. m. geee!
    lol!! i am literally rolling on the floor laughing ~ Cindy, i so get where you are coming from! read the book: Positive Energy by Judith Orloff, M.D.
    it will bring clarity and empower your creative soul!! You and I would sooo be friends:) except, my embibement of choice would be a margarita!!
    ~ and brushing the cobweb (ie. elegant for spiderweb!) before your photo ~ hahahahhahhah!!
    you make me laugh girl!!
    xoxo, Rosemary

  11. Helloooooo sweetness!!!! I have missed talking to you soooo much!! Thanks for your comment on the church nursery, I just adore how it turned out, so much more cheery and up to date! (Kinda had an 80s vibe going before!!) lol
    I definitely enjoy my time alone to re-energize, but I do enjoy being around good friends too! (And I'm with you on the having fun at home thing.....unless I can go to the beach, then I choose beach over that anyway of the week!!) ohhh...roasting marshmallows on the beach would be awesome....I would love to do that, but I imagine they would poo poo the idea of starting a fire on the beach!! Lol
    Have a great weekend girlie! :)

  12. Love to read your post. They always make me smile or even laugh out loud! I loved the one about thunderstorms and tornados!
    You are very lucky to have such a relationship with Mr. Fractured. I love my husband, but he tends to demand a lot of my time. I suppose I should be grateful to be needed and loved so much. But I've found ways to get him distracted with projects that keep him occupied so I can have ME time.
    Many people do tend to suck the life right out of me, so I try to keep "spiritual garlic" around my neck. But there are certain people that I crave to be around because their energy is so wonderful and inspiring. Just being around them makes me feel like I've just had a vitamin B shot. I just always worry that I might be an energy vampire to others! But I think that I'm old enough now to be able to read the signs if I'm getting trying to others. My Cancerian nature keeps me at home nesting as much as possible and spending time feeding my creativity.
    Looking forward, as always, to your next post!

  13. i love this post so so very much. hahahahha! you are so fun. there's nothing fun for you to do because your mind and spirit have it all beat! i am like you but i have become a little more adventurous in order to BATTLE this anxiety stuff. i'm willing to do almot anything to re-wire my brain to beat it. it's a fight, this going in the direction of your fears business. but i endorse it. it's also necessary for me to have a great deal of solitude, not just cuz of m'nerves but to hear God speak and be still so the dots can be connected for me. so that solutions and perspectives i would never come up with myself have a way in. this is living a spiritual life for me and it just can't happen when there are lots of voices and stimulation. i am easily overstimulated, and it causes me shut down and feel anxious. i am married to a very fun extrovert who has to put up with me and the weirdness. i am so thankful i found someone man enough for all this woman. i honor your honesty, your wisdom, and your irresistible charm, cindy. you are the best.


  14. We must be Soul Sisters! People drain the heck out of me (ahem, I cleaned that up a bit). When I turned 40 years old I had an self awakening. I claimed my own individual identity instead of living the identity others had decided to give me. The book that made me understand that the real me, was okay and a whole bunch better than just okay...the title of the book is TOXIC PEOPLE. My problems was a dominate control freak and jealous Mother and a possessive, obsessive, and angry husband, along with catty & childish cousins.

    I dumped the husband of 23 years, and started putting limits on how much of my time I was available to my Mother. She thought she owned me as her personal slave and whipping girl. She still to this day, can really p*ss me off. There is just so much I will permit her to get to me. And now that I am presently 57, and 17 years I have been cutting the chain she has on me link by link year by year...she gets it but still slips into her patterns with me because she is hoping I will eventually give up the 'new me' and come to my senses. Ha- don't hold your breath on that Momma.

    I gladly take her shopping, doctor visits, and general shopping and fix things around her home every 8 to 10 days But I refuse to be her slave and for her to dictate my every move and thought. I am happily married for over a decade to the love of my life and soul mate. We are one. We enjoy each other and make each other laugh. We love the same things and have most of the same interests. How refreshing! HOWEVER, I love shopping, junking, antiquing most times in the company of me, myself and I. I can look at whatever I want for as long or short as I like and not worry I am boring anyone.

    These days I am more relaxed, anxiety attacks are history, I enjoy my quiet times (people free zones) I am better friends than I ever was with my ex-husband and why not? We have 2 children and four grandchildren from our past union. I am confident. I like myself and I am proud of my accomplishments. It is just a shame it took so long to give my self permission to be whomever I want to be instead of being who others wanted me to be. Oh sure, I can be sociable, but my favorite times is having quality time with myself doing what I want to do gardening, decorating, sewing, reading or doing something or nothing with the love of my life, my hubby.

    Ladies, live your life your way and not how others want you to be. If you are having problems with draining demanding people in your life please read TOXIC PEOPLE. It tells you how to and what to do with the different types of toxic personalities and people in your life.

  15. I hear you loud and clear, Cindy - and I agree with you 100%. I definitely need my "alone time" and get stressed and cranky when I don't get it. I'm not a party girl, don't like big crowds, dislike baby and wedding showers, and just plain love being at home doing my own thing. :) I think that as we age, quiet, respective time becomes more and more important to us and it becomes easier to leave the craziness of life on the other side of the door. Love your shells, your sweet pillow, and the fun randomness of this post. :) So glad that the summer is going well for you, sweetie! ♥

    xoxo laurie

  16. I try to avoid people who suck the life energy from me. And I get my best ideas when I wake up in the morning and I just stay in bed doing my thinking...kind of letting thoughts pass through my mind. Its hard for me to get inspired with lots of stuff going on. You need time just for thinking and being quiet to be the most creative I think. And I love reading your posts always. I don't get to read blogs much anymore so when you have posted and I spot it, I know I will smile at least once or twice.

  17. I love, love, love your posts!!!
    You are so funny and made me laugh! I'm glad you're back. I've been checking your site, looking for a new post.
    I need a lot of alone time, but I enjoy being with people who don't make me tense and anxious. I can totally do without those stress causing people.
    I feel the same way about travel. It makes me anxious! All those strange people! Strange places... strange food!! What if they don't have chicken fried steak?!?!
    Thank you for being YOU and so adorable!!


  18. LOL because I could have written the first part of this Post, it sounded so much like me, so no, I don't think you're Crazy. I need my ALONE time and don't get nearly enough of it so I Run Away every so often and don't answer my Phone, it drives everyone else crazy since they couldn't imagine not having a Tech Leash to ignore! *Winks* My Energy Force is so easily sucked dry at this Season of Life, especially if my Zen is interrupted by High Maintenance or Negative Energy types so I totally 'feel ya' on that point of reference. I Hope your Routine and Zen has been Restored? And thanks for the Eucalyptus tip, I'll now be hanging some of it on every shower head... I have dried Eucalyptus everywhere anyway so it shouldn't shock the Family too much that some of it will gravitate to the Showers now.

    Blessings from the Arizona Desert... Dawn... The Bohemian

  19. Oh Cindy, how I love your stream of consciousness musings! You really gave a platform and a voice to all who could relate and commented.
    Fondly, Barbara.

  20. Oh girl, you have a gift! A wonderful gift for authenticity, and for expression. Glad you're feeling good enough to post again. I read all the comments with fascination. I wonder just how many of we bloggers are introverts. I love the "arms length" of the internet and how you can almost control the exact amount of contact you want. It's even a challenge for me to comment on blogs. I have to be up for it. I always knew I was wise to manage my social time, but having my own vintage shop was almost the death of me. I love the creative part, but being the face behind the counter nearly buried me. The downturn in the economy saved me! haha!

    I definitely recharge with private time. I thrive on it. The social summer is always a dance between the best of times and the worst, but like you say, nothing very terrible. Just very taxing.

    Have you seen the PBS series SHERLOCK? The Sherlock Holmes character is sociopathically antisocial, but he doesn't suffer fools. There's a scene where he makes everybody in the room face away from him so he can think! I'm the same way. I swear, I can't even THINK when there is energy from someone I am not used to in the house. Or when we travel to visit folks, I have to get away on my own every other day or so for a little while in order to keep level.

    Hey maybe you should charge a counseling fee for all this! Anyway you asked! haha! I'm glad you have a blog dearie! And such a beautiful one! xx

  21. Hello glad to see you are not dead. Of course I knew that, but it's always nice to be sure.
    Must be the black hole is still orbiting your universe.
    Hopefully writing things down helped to relieve some of the built up tension.
    Your post is great! the whole thing!!
    And...yes, we all need our own space. If I were a man, I would probably be a monk.

  22. Oh Cindy you are so wonderfully unique, I just adore you to pieces! Your posts are the very best, and yes being around people sucks the life out of me unless I REALLY like them. It's just so much effort sometimes ya know? I enjoy my alone time and like your Mr and you, my Mr and I can be pretty boring and we think boring is good and peaceful. I don't have to impress him and he sure doesn't have to impress me, we just are. Ditto your thoughts on flying and so called vacation fun, give me home any day it's all good. Love the way you disguised the vent and I'm into healthy eucalyptus stuff, gonna try it.

  23. Cindy! who said you were not are having my kind of fun! I told you we could be friends, sitting around being bored is all about who I am. In fact have you not noticed my posting are never fun Lol! they are boring as heck and all about designs, well maybe a beach seaside visit but, crowed heck no, fly there not me! you sound Crazy fun girl and don't change a thing.

    about house guest, does not happen over here, and when a group is to visit, ooop's were sick LOL!

    Thank you for including me in on all your fun.
    Girl I told you I should be your neighbor we could have a boring ole time together :)

    Thank you for visit me and my WHITE, I hope it was not to much fun for you??

    lots of love,

  24. Hi there quick note from another introvert, down time for me is the answer to most of lifes problems without it I too would find a cliff to fall from
    thanks for sharing cause it was

  25. oh, and i would get along just fine, i tell ya. mr. dan is out of town and all i wanted to do was have one of my besties over to paint and eat and drink...we had a effort, we know each other so well. love your post and totally get you. have you tried bud lite lime? my summer is your painting.

  26. You find the best stuff Cindy! I am crazy for your little velvet pillow. and don't get me started on your bracelets.
    I really identified with your feeling of fun and friendship. I also laughed at the 'just shoot me in the face' I am the worlds worst face to face friend because I don't have the energy for it. I have my friends but I choose people like me who love their lives of solitude. We can get together once a year take on where we left off and be happy in our own little lives just fine. I am like you in that I get stressed out when I feel like I have to entertain or keep up with anybody.
    I am so glad to know that I am not the only one who blogs who feels this way. Even when I read posts about everyone connecting with friends and going here and doing this or that I never have a pang of 'oh I wish I could do that or go there'. Everybody is different and this is how I am and I'm happy with that.
    Thank you for this post Cindy. Have a wonderful week.
    sending hugs...

  27. Well I've met my true kindred spirit, totally with you on the idea of fun and needing my alone time and quiet energy. I also love your decorating style and your art is amazing. If I could draw more than stick figures I would think we were twins LOL. Thanks so much for stopping by. I'm happy to meet you.

  28. Geez I could have written this post! I am happing sitting in the middle of my current art project,supplies all around me! My fav paint brush never judges me! Kindered spirit here!

  29. I love the colour of the velvet pillow Cindy....and no your not crazy :), I think you have some great ideas, wish you could come up with something to hide my HUGE heat pump which I have had installed above my Korean cabinet. The men had just started to drill a hole in the wall in the middle of my sitting room and I shrieked at them "No", sorry it will have to go above my cabinet as it is not so noticeable....little did I know that it would still be just as noticeable. Great heating this winter but certainly spoils the look of my room. A very clever idea hiding your grill, but somehow it wouldn't work for me as mine is ceiling height :(

    Lee :)

  30. This isn't really about this post, but an earlier one on painted plywood floors. I have now done that in two rooms and love it but am not sure how to clean them. What do you use?

  31. As much as I love family and friends I really cherish my alone time. It gives me time to think and just to BE. I get up early in the morning just so I can BE by myself for a while before the world starts turning- xo Diana

  32. I'm playing catch up after weeks of never ending company, friends in crisis and helping people get ready for big social engagements. So, I go looking for Cindy and find her in the same state of social overload that I am in. I'm next best thing to a hermit these days and really need my private space. Just leave me alone with the chickens and the crazy cats and I'll come out to play when I'm good a ready. Love ya girl!

  33. Girl...I thought I wrote those words....I have gotten more anti social in my older years...comfortable to stay at home...but when someone does manage to get me out I have is just the effort it takes to get that far!!! Love your rambling's like we are in your head:)

  34. just found your amazing site ! have never read any other chats (or are they called something else ?)and was stunned to feel as if you wrer speaking directly to me !!!although I am not artistic or creative I feed my soul from others skills and expressions of beauty.thank you SO creativity is solely limited to 6 children and now 20 grandchildren to play with !you are a blessing for my life !!

  35. Absolutely down time. I work in an office I don't have to share and when I get home I still need some "Quiet, alone time".


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